Monday, August 24, 2009

Worry

The summer night was warm and sticky. The clothes stuck to the young man’s body as if trying to incase him in the cotton fabric. A blanket laid over his midsection adding to the heat but is needed for the comfort it brings. He lies in the dark night by the open window, the breeze blowing his hair and cooling the sweat on his forehead. His eyes stare up at the ceiling fan, it’s blades spinning in a blur.

It’s going to fall,
he thinks. The fan is going to fall and I won’t be able to pull my legs out from under it in time. I’ll die of blood loss.

At the office building he sits and types away his documents. Hour after hour, he spends his time listening to his headphones. He’s heard this song too many times before. He doesn’t like it anymore but he’ll mess up his rhythm if he changes the song. He can hear inaudible voices through his music. His co-workers are talking. They’re talking about him. He knows it. If he only would pause the music he could hear what they’re saying.

It’s not worth it. He tells himself. Work needs to be done. Work is for Working.

It’s raining. Hard.

The roads are going to flood. He thinks while he drives back to his apartment. I’ll get stuck in my car along with everyone else. He glances at the silver mini van in the lane next to him. Women and children first, they’ll leave me to drown and save them. I’ll just be a necessary death.

The headache came while he was watching television. It blurred the edge of his vision and drained him of the last bit of his energy. The lights had suddenly gotten brighter and he turned them off and went to bed. He lay awake with sweat coating his body and turning his clothes damp. He clutched a pillow to his chest and his blanket lay on the floor with an exception of a corner.

I have a brain aneurysm.
He thought slowly. I’ll be dead before I wake up. I’ll never wake up. This is it. I’m going to die.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Yellow again but easier to read and in parts Part 1

He wasn’t sure what day it was when he realized he fell in love with her. Maybe it was the day he first saw her standing there. Waiting for the subway like everyone else on the platform, her back was to him. But she was different. The air around her seemed lonely and yet beautiful. Her dirty blond hair hung freely down her back and ended just above her waist. It might have been the first time he’d seen her eyes. They were dark brown; so dark they were almost black. She had sent him a curious glance as she walked by him once. Then there was the first day she smiled at him. It had been such a sad smile. A pitiful smile. To this day he was still trying to figure out why she’d given him that smile. Then there was the day he figured out that she wore something yellow. Every day. Well, at least each day he saw her. It could be something small like her hair tie or her fingernail polish. His favorite was her yellow sweater. She liked to wear it under her black and white plaid coat with long black slacks that hung off her waist. A silver necklace with large beads and usually a black fedora hat were her accessories to the outfit.

He leaned against the wall strumming the cords of his guitar. Looking for something yellow. It had quickly become his favorite color. The sound of coins jingling against each other brought him out of his search. He smiled and nodded thanks at the man in a suit talking on a cell phone who had just thrown some change into his empty guitar case. His calloused fingers seemed to have a mind of their own as they continued to make music, entertaining the small crowd that surrounded him while they waited for their train to arrive. Then he caught a glimpse of yellow and missed a note. He had to force himself to concentrate on his song. When he finished, he looked for her but couldn’t find her. He sighed and gathered his tips. Then put his guitar in the newly emptied case latched it up and left the gloomy underground to the crowded streets of the city.

The rain hit the window as he laid in bed. He watched as the water gathered and slowly trailed down the glass. A streetlight out side cast a yellow rectangle against his wall, illuminated it. He thought about the woman. He felt his spirit descend into despair. He wanted to speak with her, to make some connection outside of his dreams. Yet every time he saw her he never worked up the courage.
As he told himself many times before, he repeated to the four walls in his small room.

“I’ll talk to her the next time I see her.”

He just didn’t expect to see her so soon. She was sitting at a table in his favorite coffee shop. A baby doll dress hung gently off her shoulders as a few strands of hair dangled in her face. She didn’t notice the strands though she was too engrossed in the book propped open in front of her. Her tights were yellow today. This was the first time he’d seen her out of the subway. He froze in the doorway when he saw her. He stood there gaping at her across the busy cafĂ© until he was shoved from the doorway. He turned around and shot a hostile glare to Erik, his roommate.

“What’s your problem?” Erik asked irritated as usual.

“Nothing.” Andy muttered under his breath.

They waited in line. Andy kept glancing over at the table where the girl sat. She looked up suddenly and smiled. Andy quickly shifted his gaze, not wanting to be caught staring. Erik shot him a glance.

“What’s wrong with you today?”

Andy looked back at the girl who was now accepting a cup from a tall dark haired man. Andy frowned at the man’s back as he sat down across from the girl of his dreams.

“Nothing is wrong with me.”

He could tell Erik didn’t believe him but one of the best things about Erik was that he left things alone. Andy wasn’t sure if that was because Erik was uncomfortable with emotional situations or if Erik just didn’t care about what happened to anyone else beside himself. They found a small table after they got their drinks. Andy had to glance over his shoulder to see her. She was constantly smiling.

“Why don’t you go talk to her?” Erik asked uncharacteristically before sipping his coffee.

“Well, I think she’s on a date and I don’t want to come off as a creeper.” Andy slowly rotated his cup watching the liquid inside sway with the cup.

“I hate to break to you but you kind of are a creeper.”

Andy looked up at Erik waiting for him to creak into a smile and tell him he was joking. It didn’t happen.

“Oh my god. I am a creeper, aren’t I?” Andy said as he wound his fingers through his hair and stared at his latte dejectedly.

“Just don’t go into the stalker phase.”

“You’re so encouraging. Thanks.” Andy said sarcastically.

Erik shrugged and continued to drain his coffee. “You could stop just mentally
serenading her and actually work up the courage to speak to her.”

Andy sighed and took a sip of his latte. It was barley lukewarm. Uncontrollably his eyes wondered their way through the line of customers to the table. Through the crack in the bodies he could see them. The dark haired man made a movement. Checking a watch? His telephone. Andy wasn’t sure. It didn’t matter, whatever it was made him start to pack up and go. Andy smiled as the man got up. He gave a wave to the girl and left. Andy could help but smile more. A wave, only a wave. No kiss on the cheek or even a hug. Just a wave. Maybe they were only friends, or were related.

“Just go. Make a fool of yourself and then, I don’t know. We’ll go get smashed or
something.” Erik said as he got up.

“Hey wait, where are you going?”

“Home. I’ll see you there. Later.” Erik said lazily and left the shop.

Andy watched as his friend disappeared down the sidewalk. He had two choices, leave the store and wallow in self-pitying shame or walk over and talk to her. Probably get reject, wallow in self-pity, but finally keep that promise he made to himself. Andy got up from the table and walked to the table where the girl sat alone now. She looked up from her cup of coffee right at him.

Dear god he was actually going to do.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Unrequited

I use to dream about you.

The way your hair would hang in your face and you’d give me my look, the one that was made and given only to me, until I would brush your golden locks behind your ears and kiss you.

Now when I dream about you, you give me that look. I lean in close and centimeters from your lips I stop for something is wrong.

The smell from your body hits me. The decayed air you breathe hits my lips and makes me want to vomit. I try to pull back but you stop me. One grayish hand clasped to my wrist, the other hand sticking the bony fingers in the back of my head bringing me closer to your lips.

I’ll wake just as our lips meet. I’ll wipe an old wrinkled hand across my lips. The old man moving in the mirror frightens me for a moment before I recall that’s what I look like now.

I get up and walk to the window. I look out onto the lake where the moon would reflect if it were in the sky. I try to see if there is an outline of your dark shape gliding back into the lake, to your new home.

I’ll recall the night we were alone together you gave me my look, the look full of hatred. You’d try to walk away and I grabbed your wrist pulling you close. Dislodging the golden curls from behind your ear. I gently replace it and you struggle as I move closer.

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t let me love you. I just wanted to love you.

Now you’re the one who won’t leave me alone.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Small zombie exert

The city stood as an empty wasteland. Cars lined the streets, abounded, their doors hanging open from when their owners escaped only to be slaughtered minutes later. Nothing moved, well at least nothing that would alarm me. I peeked around the corner, on to the empty street. I glanced back up the fire escape I had climbed down. A few streetlights flickered on. Evening was one of the safest times to move around outside of the shelter. Because they have the same disadvantage as you did in the dark. I tried to keep myself from shaking but it was inevitable. I hadn’t eaten in a few days, that is the entire reason that I was making this trip out of my sanctuary.

I slowly slide around the corner; I stayed low to the ground and in the shadows. I stopped every few seconds sure I had heard my impending death coming towards me. I had made it nearly half way to the store near the corner of the street when I came across a body. From what I could make of it in the darkness, it appeared to be a woman. She laid on her side a hand was outstretched reaching for something; I could see the woman’s ribcage and a part of her spine. I was glad I had not eaten anything it would not have been as easy trying to keep myself from vomiting. I hesitated going closer but I had to. When I was close enough to her I tapped the woman with my foot. She remained motionless. I did it again, harder this time. She still lay as she should and I noticed the smell of her decaying flesh. I stepped over what was left of her. I tried not to look at what remained.

One of her legs was gone. The other gnawed to the bone. There was nothing left inside her ribcage and even a few ribs had been ripped from her. I refused to look
at her face. Half afraid it would be torn from her, the other half afraid of what remained on it.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Assignement for my Creative Writing class

Jessica had been driving down the sandy Arizona road for hours. Her sunglasses made everything have a gold tint. A map had been thrown carelessly in the passengers seat, it’s many pages spread out across the seat. She was lost. She was planning on being in her hotel room about two hours ago. Jessica was an archaeologist, well at least a retired one. She was now teaching at a small college where none of her students were actually interested in archaeology. They were just there for the credits. When an old colleague of hers had invited her to a dig site she was ecstatic to get back out on the field. She gave a frustrated sigh and flicked the turn signal on as she pulled into the gas station.

As soon as she turned the car off she could tell the difference in temperature. She got out of her car and felt the full extent of the heat. Grabbing a hat she placed it on her head and walked around to the other side of the car. She was ready to get back in her car and have the air conditioner full blast. She frowned when she realized that the gas wasn’t pumping. She sighed and walked into the gas station. She was not greeted by any air conditioning but by a young blond woman who was leaning up against the counter in a very short tank top and even shorter shorts. The young blond glanced at Jessica as she entered. The only sound in the store was the hum of the coolers and the small electronic fan the woman was using to cool herself with.

“What do you want?” The woman said irritably.

Jessica scowled at her for a moment and looked around to see if anyone less hostile was around.

“Your fuel pump isn’t working. I’m trying to buy gas.”

The blond rolled her eyes and turned her head towards the open door behind cashier’s counter and bellowed. “Alvin, you’ve got a customer.”

A man in his late 30’s appeared at the door shortly after. He was rubbing some grease off his hands. “Well, hello there miss. What can I do ya’ for?” He asked cheerfully.

“I’m trying to purchase gas.” Jessica said shortly. The heat was getting to her.

“Ah, well.” He gave a quickly glance to the blond woman who had gone back to fanning
herself. “Those machines can be pretty tricky. Let me give you a hand.”

Jessica nodded and led the way to her white Buick that was now spotted with red sand.

“Nice car you have there.” Alvin said with a whistle.

She gave a small shrug. “It gets me where I need to go. That’s what matters.”

Alvin gave her a smile and turned to the gas pump. After pressing a few buttons and hitting it a few times, which she thought was a very bad idea, the pump started to work.

“Tadaa.” Alvin said in triumph.

“Thank you very much.”

“No problem miss. It’s my job after all. If it’s alright with you I’m going to stay out here and watch this to make sure it doesn’t stop again,” He pointed to the pump. “Wouldn’t want a pretty lady like standing out in the sun more than she has to.”

“That’s very kind of you.” She leaned up against her car awkwardly for a moment.
“Would you happen to know where I could find a restaurant around here?”

“Well if you keep going straight north you’ll come to a crossroads. You take a left there and it should take you into town. There’s a few good restaurants there.”

She nodded her appreciations and they stood there for a minute listening to the gas.

“I hope you don’t think I’m prying but I noticed you have Denver plates. What brings you up to Arizona?”

“I don’t mind. I’m going to a dig site. An old colleague of mine’s running the whole thing and invited me along.”

“A dig site? Like dinosaurs and stuff?” Alvin asked with interest.

“Well, it’s not all dinosaurs. We’ve got your fossilized plants and insects. They’re just as interesting as the dinosaurs themselves.” She replied in her professor’s voice.

Alvin gave her a skeptical look. “Plants can be just as interesting as T-rex?”

“If you ask me I think that the Tyrannosaurs Rex gets far too much credit. Most of the evidence actually points to the Tyrannosaurs Rex as being a scavenger more than a predator.” She said.

“Really?” Alvin crossed his arms.

“Yes. It still hasn’t been proven yet but that’s the way the outcome is looking.”

The gas clicked to a stop.

“Well there you go mama. All fueled up to go dinosaur hunting.” Alvin said with a grin. “Paying inside?”

Jessica nodded and followed as Alvin lead them back into the station. The blond still leaned on the counter fanning herself.

“That’ll be 28.50. Man, that cars a gas guzzler.” Alvin said as he took the card Jessica handed to him.

“Tell me about it.” She said with a smile.

“And off you go. Have a nice trip.” He said with one last grin.

“Thank you.” She said putting the card back into her purse. She walked back across the smoldering lot and into her car. She was relieved when she felt the air conditioner turn to life. She kept north, taking Alvin’s directions and hoping that before long she could get back on track and finally make it to her hotel.




The assignment was to write about a professor named Jessica who met a gas employee Alvin. She had to ask for directions or something. I don't remember it, it was a while ago.

Written March 4 2009

Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock.

He quietly sat the back of the classroom patient as always. His haired dyed blond by the bright sun. The skin on the bridge of his nose was pink and slightly peeling, underneath the light sunburn he had, were pale freckles that spread across his entire body.

The clock had stopped, almost froze up from having all eyes on it. People held their breath watching, waiting, and hoping that the second hand will continue to move.

Even the teacher had given up on trying to obtain the students attention and added his eyes to the stare of the clock.

Owen removed his eyes from the clock, hoping that with a bit more privacy the clock would speed itself up. The other students were still focused on the plastic circle. He glanced back up at the clock before scanning the student’s faces again.

The privacy did not help the clock perform and it felt like hours before the clock reached it’s destined time. It gave a loud shriek, the climax of its performance and the students jumped out of their seats and scattered for the door.

The clock continued to tick the time away slowly even though no one was there to watch, it still ticked away precious seconds of their lives.


quote by Ben Hecht
US author & dramatist

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

The small metallic clicking noise was soft and smoothing next to his ear. The rhythmic ticking echoed through his ears. The young man’s breath was strained; his eyes were wide as he stared at the bed covers through his knees that were pressed to his cheeks. He didn’t hear the wristwatch’s ticking, he heard a heart beat. One that didn’t beat anymore. He clenched his hands over his ears hoping to block out the sound. It didn’t help. He shut his eyes tight and sunk his teeth into his bottom lip as he dug his fingernails into the sensitive skin behind his ears. He could still hear the heart beat, the soft beeping sound of the monitor. The slight raising of the heartbeat. The rushing sounds of the nurses and doctors as he was pushed from the room.

Then the silence, everything was silent except for a long steady tone of death.

Tick, tick, tick

He let out a small muffled sob as his eyes burned and his eyelids held back his tears.

He opened his eyes and a few tears leaked out and slid down his face, he ignored them. They felt too natural there to really notice them. He turned to look at the watch that he had placed on his bedside table.

Tick, it greeted him in a mocking tone.

Ray bit his lip harder resisting the urge to throw the watch across the room. To hear it smack against the wall and break stopping the ticking forever.



quote by Isaac Asimov
US science fiction novelist & scholar